You ever agree to something you don’t want to do?
That’s me today. I want to be an Indian-giver. Saying yes; wishing I had said no.
You wanna send it back. Push the “yes, ma’am” feelings down and flip the bird. Pretend like you don’t care what they’re thinking. And you say pretend because that is what it would be. Make-believe.
Why did you agree to this? Because that is the right thing to do. The Christian thing to do. What they want you to do. Then, the whole time you are repaying your yes-debt, your dragging your feet and tripping over the positive attitude that’s quickly slipping off of you.
You yell at your dog. You clear a busy room, unable to block out the noise and think of the stupid mistake that Yes got you into. You say no-thanks to your husband when he invites you to watch your siblings play softball because your weighed down by the fact that you have to follow through. You curse years of yes-training that made you into that awful people-pleaser. You wallow and wish for a future where you can say whatever-the-heck you want, do whatever-the-heck you want, be whoever-the-heck you want.
But then you start to write it down. You crawl through the black hole of frustration that Yes brought you into and writing will bring you through. You spelunk through caves of emotion grasping at the little shreds of hope that grow like stalactites. You wade through the sticky clay on the outer banks of your mind, rationalizing that Yes might be an opportunity to learn. Yes will make room for the trampled gardens of vulnerability to once more bloom with life.
No matter how deeply you long for the cover of No; the chance to be the wall-flower, you will deliver.
Because Yes is how you grow.
And No would be too easy.
Beanie and Black Boots from Target <> Cardigan and Red Cotton T from Nordstrom Rack <> Navy Blue Leggings from Ross <> Wrap Bracelet and Necklace from Beall’s Outlet <> Love Bracelet from Lia Sophia
Stay warm, loves!